Pictures of him...

I look for him in wrong places.

Craft his face according to pieces of what I admire in others.

I don’t know you, yet I already see you.

I have imagined the wonder of your voice, though I hold no idea of you.

Envy, jealousy consumes my heart, when in sight of those who’ve stolen my painting of love.
What I’ve created falsely as my love story.

Yet I don’t know my love story because it hasn’t been born.

My heart still needs to quieten down and not overplay its role, it hasn’t been called up on stage yet.

I find my mind designing imaginary characters of you, of what you’d say and how you’d say and how you’d act.

It’s become sickening and desperate.

I want none of it, my reality is far from this unclear and unknown fantasy.

I have no control of you yet I feel I already have you.

That shreds my heart because I still feel sad and lonely.

I must get acquainted with myself, forgive myself, give myself love and acknowledge my piece of worth.

I’ve locked my faith neatly in my heart, hope awakens my heart each day.

Anticipating the unknown and waiting with bated breath taints the possibility of fully living.

I want this love others speak of, the real love that’s only understood by those sharing it.

The kind that’s spoken through stolen looks in a crowded room, the kind of love that appreciates the other’s heartbeat.

That kind that holds high the smiles and encouragement shared, without giving it much effort.

An extract from my "Taxi chronicles"

 

I cannot start these chronicles without first introducing this fellow who’s gripped my mind with intense curiosity. This one person is without a doubt an embodiment of meaningful and gripping interest. He stands out from all the other rowdy, controlling drivers around, who are used to yelling naturally and behaving as though they own the ground they walk on. This one fellow carries a generous amount of appeal that lies neatly and perfectly on his face. There are not enough words to sum up the level of fascination I have suddenly developed for him. It is as if he carries deep moving captions about his life, his mannerism is that of a gentle soul...roughened though by the conditions that have become his life. I find myself lost in his space, staring at him as though I were a kid looking up a human size angel. Maybe that is a bit extreme...but it feels so. I could count how many times I’ve landed in his vehicle on one hand...with each of those trips I would get lost in my maze of thoughts about why I find him to be so unique...that of course, is done again with me staring at him.

A snapshot of my thoughts...

My thoughts are wondering to what you could be doing...are you okay?

Well I’m on my way home, one day we’ll be taking this journey together.

There’s a lot we yet to share, speak of and discuss.

Your strength uproots my underlying abilities.

Your confidence in me will manifest my gifts,

How I’m thankful to the Lord, thankful that you exist and awaiting for the designated time to meet.

Little bite.

Not a lot is said about light in dark days...

But what seems to work more is remaining focused on what lies before you.

The future is far better then the past.

Living, loving and believing

Looking inside.

A pinch of a foreign world, yet it holds high intrigue.

I look on in awe as I take in the view, these busy folk embody the biggest egos.

 It seems ideal to wear a mask...

But then again my reality is quick to remind me, it would be much harder wearing such heavy pretence each day.

To resemble your surrounding and to blend in can work even when you don’t wear the same uniform. The pressure to be perfect becomes too much, as if to suffocate all areas of the clean air you survive on.

The dreams that dwell in my thoughts are exposed to how the steps in accomplishing them are taken, what needs to be done and how.

I am slightly shaken, my being is slightly foreign to the ruthless stance most seem to go by. Hard work seems to be stapled with a boneless spine...wimping along to the false sense of self deemed all important.

I owe to myself to accomplish what has my name on it, from here on and always.

Great things lie before open eyes and wide arms, ready feet and steady minds.

Trying is better than wishing, faith is the fuel of my dreams.

And so nothing is to hold me back...not even myself.