Jon-Paul...Tatoos and all.

“Feel whole part of my life is missing and don’t know how to replace it.”

A Hello Kitty tattoo on his right hand lures one into staring at his body of artwork. His limbs are canvases and each has a mini story to tell. The left side of his body displays the bad he’s endured and the right all the good he has experienced, he walks around with a body that displays various artworks and a history of a life lived on the edge and exploring the extraordinary. The sight of pictures and scriptures tattooed on his body could be easily compared to an illustrated book, with beautiful scripts and patterns. Clearly this fellow did not shy away from the ink needle.

Having enrolled in AAA Academy without a portfolio, any qualifications or a high school certificate, an underlying talent and passion for pictures and their sequences speak for themselves from his detailed body. This intriguing guy at eleven years of age had his first inhalation of weed, after finding it in his mother’s closet. Curiosity gripped him, as the same substance he saw in his home was the same as the bunch police brought to his school, for display and warning to the school kids against drugs and any other illegal addictive substances. At fifteen years, JP ended up in Boytown, a correctional school in Magalisburg. He grew up under his step dad’s constant beating, brutal and merciless in his abusive approach towards JP, now their relationship seems to have never endured the abuse. “It’s only God who could have restored our relationship.” he said with an affirming voice.

A rebel tormented by society and those he loved, he decided to leave his home. His life packed in one suitcase and his sorrows stringed in his guitar, this lonesome artist hitch-hiked his way out of his hometown, Eastern Cape to a more promising future and possibilities. God’s angels disregarding his fiery ambitions, he got a lift from a mathematics Christian teacher based in Johannesburg.

Long before he knew the directions of his life, God's angels were already present in his future. He's been clean from drugs for a year. Addictions that had become like breathing to him. “Majority of the drug users usually come from broken homes and the drugs become the easier way out.” him telling me this makes me think of other victims of drugs, who don't necessarily come from broken homes but use and abuse drugs for other unjustifiable reasons. He further tells me something that has my heart thumping fearfully. “Most drug addicts don't know God, they think it's impossible to have someone who really loves them for who they are. When they OD and die, they don't know who God is”.

Casually, Jon-Paul tells me he has been in 11 rehabs and has attempted suicide, suffers from chronic depression and sometimes has great bounds of anger when thinking of his brother and son's death, he again credits the Lord for keeping him by His forgiving side.

His words “I stopped taking my anti-depressants because in some way Jesus heals” echo in my heart as I try, for a second, imagining what this talented artist has gone through, deep in my heart I wish he didn't have to suffer the way he has. He clearly is intelligent , well spoken and probably a shy Ginger, but life has dished him quite a generous amount of heartache and struggles. JP has had to deal with his 11month old son death. His ex-wife took the boy and they went to visit her family on a nearby farm. The tot drowned during that visit and he blames himself for most of what led to that accident. His ex-wife is now a pastor and lives with his 7 year old, whom he visit during the holidays.

As he soon reveals to me, both him and his ex-wife wanted to go into ministry but life had other plans. His ex-wife went and studied after their divorce, fulfilling their dream. His late brother committed suicide because of the pressures he got from his family. “They pushed him to hard into being the image they wanted him to be, resulting in him taking his own life.” he sadly recounts.

JP admits had he gotten someone to talk to in the last couple of years, he would be coping much better. He has never broken down for the loss of his loved ones and instead his tears turn into fits of anger. “Breaking down would heal me.” Heavy words ringing in my ears after he says them with conviction. His struggle to come close to people and his failure to trust anyone has not been helpful to him either. He admits he has had to deal with social-dysfunctions and realises he needs to learn to be patient. The light at the end of this tunnel is his faith in God. He believes the Lord will work in him and that he has a future in ministry. He wants to work with broken people and adds in his hope filled talk, he isn't a pessimist. He believes he has a future which back then he didn't believe he did. “I struggle to be calm. I understand everything is a process and I have to believe in God.”

By' Thandi Xaba

The One thing the world meeds right now

The one thing the world needs right now.

Love. We need love to be free. Free from mental imprisonment. Spiritual abuse, emotional negligence and personal disregard. Love releases golden thoughts and dreams robbed from us by the world’s cruelty. Hope, accompanied by compassion can unlock the chambers of our hearts to drive us into being slightly more sensitive and putting others’ needs before our own.

Ever wondered why there’s so much conflict between races, couples and work places. Why people don’t think twice about robbing one another or even conspiring against a nation. It seems we’ve become consumed, our inner worlds are a mess, our morals have been shredded with the faith people have in their leaders. We’ve become slaves to our hardships and unfruitful trends of this world. The role models we once followed seem to be silenced by the world’s noise or have become part of this infectious noise. Unconditional love, that’s not self-seeking or arrogant, can do wonders for our beautiful broken world, by looking past people’s class or bank account, treating them differently because of their attires or crafted wicked smile.

Everyone longs for acceptance, to be loved, cared for, and spoken to. How amazing it would be if all our actions and words were driven by this unselfish, unwearied love? Money runs out, can often bring death both spiritually and emotionally if it’s the core of our existence. Food fills us up physically, keeps us alive. Given to those in need and those who are within reach. Basic needs are important but the hub for healthy, internally wealthy and optimistic living is having a forgiving and gentle love ruling our world and every human living in it.

Yes, not everyone is religious and not everyone relies on emotion to govern the mass. But this love I have in mind would be consistent and more about an adopted lifestyle of sacrifice and selflessness. Maybe it’s possible to attain it by our own efforts but it might not be so successful if our hearts haven’t be been touched by this humbling love nor driven by a hunger for it.

This world is merely temporary. Our problems are temporary, the wars, famine, abuse…it will all end. But the perfect, noble love that can comfort any heavy heart is eternal. It can never be stolen from us, hijacked nor brutaly shot at close-range. It’ll remain constant, unshaken because it has learned to put self last.

Each pulsating heart has love. It’s there. Might be buried by the injustice we’ve allowed to raid us of our innocence, hope and individuality. It’s there. Abused, bruised and left in ICU to die with the full potential it’s been granted. Love lives in us, yet we’ve locked it in the closet, allowing gloomy occupants to take its place. Reflecting a worn-out and miserable community. Love gives birth to purity. It surrenders to what’s right and is always quick to listen to the gentleness of its voice not falling prey to the worlds’ noise of corruption, greed, crime and negativity.

Learning to love without flaw will be a journey we’d all need to walk side by side. Loving each other and caring enough to warn others of the potholes of life and not keeping silent to just get pleasure from their fall. Love needs partnership. Balance. In being able to rebuke, correct and then embrace without judgment.

The world has love, it’s been trampled and disfigured by self efforts of trying to change how it is or what it means in our lives. Vandalising its perfection and giving it names to suit our misery. It’s become a scapegoat for abuse, in the process punishing lives and entertaining its enemy, hate.

The love that can renovate homes, move families, shift spirits and change lives is a more trusting, protective and reliable love. One hasn’t got to think love requires being spoilt with the natural treats of the world, that’s the tip of the ice berg, nor is it centered on the physical, boring and over-rated hump-n-bump that happens between thinning sheets.

The love that I have in mind that the world could feed from is far deeper, far more amazing then anything we could possibly imagine. It won’t cost us a cent, won’t inconvenience us and our comfort nor cause us to break a sweat. What could happen is the world as we know it could possibly turn out to be more pleasant to live in, offering its occupants more personal joy, riches and blessings they have concluded to be all they can ever be secure with.

By: Thandi Xaba

The End

Bitterness before dampened by prayer.

Astonished truth has reduced my senses. Reinforced my worth.

Lots of details haunt my days,

Simple replays sicken me the gut, churning in my system.

But sunrise has come.

And it brings light to the cave of darkness and unhappiness.

Uncertainty brews as selfishness prevails.

Takes charge of all strength.

Leaves strong hearts wounded.

Here is the carcass of pain,

The skeleton of self-destruction.

Left to soak the dust and sun of coming days.

Bitterness resides here no-more.

Left behind in your previous home of lust and seduction.

Resting in your filthy hands.

Burning to the sounds of truth. It seems you lose.

The battle to destroy and mutilate every inch of my being.

Brightness surrenders to the order of its Master.

Darkness withers back to its deceiver.

Returning the lost treasure of this heart, rusty and broken.

The Hand of the Almighty will polish and fix them.

No hope is replaced with more hope.

Teary eyes glisten now not with salty water but joy from The Creator.

Where you go I will not see, nor does where I am concern you.

Carry on kicking dust with your misguided feet and deforming the innocent and weak with your blood sucking speech. The war is defiantly not mine to fight.

Chew away at your own promise.

Sink alone in your depth of false words.

Mine is not to worry over you.

Nor wait anxiously for a reaction, but shine brighter then your flashy car. To rise above your expectations and breathe air filled with hope.

I regard you nothing.

I see a shadow in the appearance of your body.

You mean zero to the new identity Jesus Christ has given me.

Why then has your sting still bruised, why is that part still filled with anger.

Ballooning out of control, containing waste from you and all that makes you.

You own me no more, my flesh meant and means nothing to you.

My soul must return to me, let go of the tight grip motivated by your sick needs.

Your thoughts shatters all my sense, crumbles my emotions.

But this road is not lonely because I don’t walk it alone.

There’s unimaginable love in this relationship, my heart longs to be smothered by more it.

By: Thandi Xaba

Praying we get to the point were we let go of ourselves and let God take over.
Who best to lead us but the great Sheperd. Life without Jesus is the description of misery,death and lonliness.
Thank You Jesus for the cross.
T.Xaba.

What I see

Warm hug and undefeated hands.
Big smile and loving eyes,picture beyond perfection.
Excited to have You living in me,thrilled to know You exist.
No days are worth living without You. No breath taken is worthy to enter my lungs.
The love You offer is greater then all forces of this world.
The works of Your hand don't measure to the thoughts in our busy heads.
No one but You has such power,no one can reach the cobwebs of past pain but You.
Save us,we are lost in the mazes of our desires.
Making the earth You posses more important to us.
What I see...depicts My loving Saviour.
-Thandi Xaba