Whirlwind in the Jungle

                                              Picture source: splash-of-colour7.tumblr.com


It is at that moment of a crumbling ideology, you face the hardest of questions, questions that won't shake off until sufficient answers are given.

How it happens that when you get refined for a better life it has to hurt so much and even lead to questioning the significance of existence.

They often say celebrate the time in the valley as you celebrated the time on the hill...

The valley happens to be growling with wolves who can not stand the sound of rejoicing and are ready to pounce and devour their enemy.

These thoughts are from a hazy place, one that has no clear vision of its direction. The heart...however knows this too will pass, it's in the waiting for the pass that you grow weary and extremely sad.

You feel you can't stand yourself and reserve all opinion on sin because you have been swimming in it.

Putting up with a double-life in order to remain sane....but the former ways still reside in the finger tips of the sinner.

Appetizing at first but only to scar the very fiber of normality you tried to uphold.

Is it okay to say it is really tiresome... To smile when you actually feel like frowning, to laugh when you just want to cry till life stopped...

I just read somewhere "It's not easy, but it is simple. You have to trust God, no matter what you may face."

When I read it I felt the heaviness of what life can be - either beautiful or ugly, trip me. Literally trip me over my current issues and challenges. Falling hard on the fact that I need God, whether I want Him or not...

When I think of the many hardships people are facing in this world, I realise I am wimping for nothing...when mine are minute theirs are gigantic.

But whatif...just whatif even my minute issues cause me gigantic heartache...heartache that feels like my life is being lived by someone else...someone that I actually don't even like.

Heartache that leaves wanting to cradle in God's arms forever, to never have to face the failures and bad choices of my life.

To not have to see my ugly self in the eyes of a reformed me. They are in constant conflict with each other and remain in their separate worlds despite the freedom offered by Jesus.

It is the strangest thing...looking at yourself through a third pair of eyes. They see you. See your messed up behaviour and see you as you fall deeper into the trap of sin.

They see when you happy and worshiping on the hill. When nothing can knock you over and everything you touch turns to gold.

Both times I suppose, you were being prepared for that place which has been in your dreams and has been your vision all these years.

To get there clearly isn't easy. Probably was never meant to be. Some days are better then others, while for the most part, most days really involve going through the motion.

I can't wait to be loved, cared for and sinking in the truth of being appreciated.

Suppose I can be thankful. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am loved.

Just some days it feels like it is all going to fall apart, like the rug has been pulled under my feet.

As I solider, I thank my Maker for the gift of writing...as it always helps me make sense of this jungle I call life.

The Winds of Distress

                                                           Pic: anunhurriedlife.org

The simplicity of life is heavily veiled by the intricate challenges of life, leaves the soul broken and gasping at the possibility of a new life.

Better and masked with joy.

The homeless youth looking at life with vague eyesight,  sees no were beyond his unique DNA and instead succumbs to the prison of drugs.

Believes no further than what he was told and carries his dreams in the joint he smokes.

It puffs up and mingles with the clouds, escaping his head, reaching the Maker of a new beginnings.

We were never given a memo and were never expected to survive the cruelty that sunk its claws into our backs.
Dream further then your reality because that is were dreams reside.

As the years progress we need to worry....as it has been exposed...it only gets worse.

The Creator knows beyond this life, He gave this life and carries our lifes in His perfect Hand. The thoughts of Him no mind can imagine. It is said He breathed the stars into place, one of those stars being as big as Mount Everest, whole earth is merely the size of a golf ball when compared to its bigness....glorious and unimaginable, it's called Canis Majoris.

When the blows of life hit, we are never trained to fight, never ready to resist, we might sink but again the mass expects us to swim.

Is it even possible to see ourselves in their eyes, in His eyes....when the imperfections speak louder then our uniqueness.

Hold close those you love dearly and confine in their belief in you.

This world and life was never meant to be easy, love is what we dream of and live hoping we will one day be engulfed in the arms of our significant other.

Unjudged, undisturbed, in discriminated,  loved with everything that makes you who are.

So sudden time flies, leaving no room to expand and delve in the possibility.

This life we might not know, this time we may not know how to measure, some mysteries are left for the after life and the now is for the bold.

Secrets have no place in the open mouth of society  they always have something to say.

But who will you listen to......Battered and scared, hurt and perplexed as to why  bad things happen to good people....as the always say...

When a smile is all I could offer, in return a hot mess that leaves questioning my existence for as long as I'm breathing.

But wait, you have not robbed me, instead you peeled my eyes to see the world is ugly, not pretty and heavy laden by far worse abuse.

The challenges we face are greater than our intelligence, as they say only the bare and brave survive.

Day by day bad is reported, announced for the world to know we are heading for the worst.

We look at sights of our yester years and burn with deep sorrow, how did we survive.

The human being is clearly designed to handle far more then we can imagine.

Hold no reservations to what love can do...what God can do.

Crossing racial barriers and cutting deep into the fibres of the screwed propaganda.

There is no room for hate...how can there be when the simple things are free.

The teachers of faith tell us  so much truth and yet the heart fails to nurture the truths they speak.

The world seems to attract more then repel, we ought to listen yet it seems far from reach.

Time...They say heals all wounds, does it really?

Perhaps it does but fears has cemented our feet in the mess of our decisions.

Sweet Ginger

Pic: weheartit.com

‘Shadow of the day’

Play and play and release the locks of this attraction.

Sway and displace the diamond sealed in the concrete.

It shone and sparkled immense value.

Could’ve never ended and remained in your zone.

An amazing soul, rare and simply beautiful.

Replace this with thoughts known,

You pure gold, wish forces could entwine this desire not a norm.

Came packaged in a lovely form.

I viewed your sense and values and even butterflies fluttered and passed out from your flood of casual injection of euphoria.

Seems too futile…sadly the world hardly awards love.

Will it sub-side, found a real prince of note…maybe it could’ve been groomed and grown with the days.

Is it possible to remove such a being from my rooms of thought?

Will it get better or worse with time?

Hardly unreal when lips only recite our memories.

Make what’s engulfed me in your aura die,

It’s not needed, not happening again.

Why is it now…over and over again.

The stenches of my lust for you,

My longing to be in your presence.

For once, can I be blessed with  treasure like you.

Shiny and rare…beautiful and valuable.

Regrets of loving so easily has now become a punishment.

Again I need to mend the pieces,

The millions of pieces broken by heavy disappointment.

Why did those words you said colour my ears,

How can you have made me feel liked yet you saw past me.

Haven’t my feet walked this hurt before.

Seems things are too heavy…

Never golden or maybe their lame gestures have rusted my heart.

Hardly any good in the possibilities, I hate these realities.

I’m fed up with these warriors who easily pull on my heart-strings.

Where shall I rest?

Find comfort and acceptance from the evil rest.

I saw sanctuary in your eyes,

Pictured a loving soul and felt a honourable being from your touch.

Loosen my grip on what will never happen.

Too raw…yet the heart has become immune.

Now mind and energy drowns in gloom.

20years of living…still I believe in love.

Still I want to believe there’s one for me.

Understanding and equally loving.

But…sadly there’s been no luck.

Maybe, just maybe it’s my fault.

Maybe I reveal too much and have them regretting they laid eyes on me.

-Feb 2010